One heck of a week

This has been one hell of a week for me..Tuesday wasnt a bad day but the letter in the mail i got today from Tuesdays meeting is completely different than what was originally agreed on so now i am waiting on a phone call to see what the heck is going on and what is my next step..Im very upset over this but once again getting screwed over seems to be the theme of my life. Carissa's cardiologist appointment on Wednesday didnt go as planned. She had to do a twenty four hour holter moniter , we just mailed it back and are waiting to hear the results. The cardiologist said he is seeing changes in her heart which got her in to trouble to begin with so that isnt good. Im just praying to god for guidance on where to go from here with her. I am so upset , angry and confused. I wish i knew what the future held but dont we all? Shelby had a cardiologist appointment the same day as Carissa because her PCP thought she heard a heart murmer at her one year check up , well anyways the cardiologist said other than a very mild case of non compaction she is great which i am really happy about. See we never knew that our children had a chance of having heart problems until we already had Carissa..She was diagnosed at one month old and it was around then that we found out it was hereditary. I blamed myself for Carissa..thinking i should have known better , you know the should have , could have and would haves...even four years later part of me still does blame myself on some level but i also believe everything does happen for a reason. We chose to go on and have more children after Carissa because we knew the risks and every single pregnancy of mine has been watched very closely to make sure that the baby doesnt have any heart problems..We have four children right now and do want one more. Baby number five will be our last. My son Evan keeps asking for a brother so for his sake i pray for a baby boy so that there will be 3 boys and four girls instead of 2 boys and five girls...we shall see lol. Well i am off to get somethings accomplished.